the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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