She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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