So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
