So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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