I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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