May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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