Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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