Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
