Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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