My underwear smells like fireworks.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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