how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
