I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We are two peas in an std pod
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
