you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
