I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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