Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
