She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
