i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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