Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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