I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
