great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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