I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
