Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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