I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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