How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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