I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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