pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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