for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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