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Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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