just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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