So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
