why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
