i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
