i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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