last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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