I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
