After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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