I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
