there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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