shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize