There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
