I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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