ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
