It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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