im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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