wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
