guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
