I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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