no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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