she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I supernannyed him into submission
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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