dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
