Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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