i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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