She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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