Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
