capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
