he puts the penis in happiness.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
