Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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