while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
