there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
