I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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