dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
