I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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