omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
