The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
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I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Two words: blizzard sex
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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