1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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