toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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