Just cropdusted the office
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
