I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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