just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
