I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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